Rules for the Road

What do we mean by "few rules?"

Our approach to mediation is rooted in interest-based bargaining. Think "Getting to Yes".

We're entirely comfortable operating outside legalistic definitions of mediation and quite willing to stand up in our contrarian perspective because we've helped people resolve disputes in the real world for a long time.

The following baker's dozen principles may not jive with some judges' or some academics' rules of engagement. But we know from hard-won experience that people who allow these points to guide their decision-making get more of what they want out of a mediation:

1. Not everyone comes to negotiate in good faith.

2. People do get angry. In fact, people in disputes run through the full range of human emotions.

3. I'm not a blank slate during any mediation process and I don't even want to be.

4. If you haven't worked hard to prepare me and your client, you're not going to get what you want.

5. If we don't have everyone with true authority to settle the dispute live and in person at the mediation, you will have seriously damaged your chances of getting the dispute resolved.

6. REMEMBER: Mediation is not just what we do on the day we get together.

7. We fully expect the lawyers in any dispute to think about and negotiate the process for the dispute - and the role you want me to play - and to have discussed these issues with us in advance of the mediation.

8. Despite what academics and judges might say, mediators don't settle disputes. The parties and their lawyers work really hard to get disputes settled. We do work hard to help you resolve your dispute, but we don't settle it and we don't provide settlement forms.

9. Mediation is rooted in legal privilege and the confidential nature of the process. Creating and maintaining a safe environment is serious business to us.

10. We insist on candid conversation about the issues of the dispute.

11. When a mediation process doesn't reach settlement, safety is best guaranteed by destroying everyone's notes - including ours.

12. Alyson and I aren't bill collectors. We provide valuable services. We don't like carrying large accounts receivables and we don't like getting stiffed.

13. Your firm - or your client - pays in advance. If your client doesn't pay, you need to bring your firm's checkbook the day of the mediation.

Again, you and your client are much more likely to get what you want if you allow these points to help guide your work with us. We hope that you will.

If you chose not to, we may still try to work with you. But we want you to know you're unlikely to get what you and your client want in the end. It would be cheaper for you to hire my dog, Georgia, to carry offers back and forth between the parties. She only charges $100 and a few dog treats. You can quit anytime you want - or when Georgia gets tired - and tell the judge you mediated.